REMEMBER DECEMBER

I should change my blog name to 'month by month'. By the time I created this blog, I was determined to post every single day. But I guess I was too ambitious.
It's december already! Time flew. Okay, that's not entirely true. There were days where I felt like time seems to excruciatingly stopped. But mostly, time just went by unnoticedly.
Just a quick run-down.
- Final exams are way done! Gosh, I think this is the laziest semester ever. I think I did okay. Though I know for sure my GPA will not as briliant as last semester. I couldn't blame anyone but myself.
- Met my niece from OZ. Her name is Valery. She's s precious! Too adorable to be true. And definitely too smart for her age! I'm a proud aunty!

- Me and my diamonds went to Anyer beach for an exam-stress-reliever. A little fun in the sun. Worked like a charm. We had so much fun there. Unfortunately, there's a price to pay. My sunburn was a torture! I was in so much pain I thought I actually had a skin-cancer!

- Celebrated Christmas for 4 times. One in UPH. One in Subang. One in Bandung. One in Jakarta. Merry Christmas and happy birthday, big J!
- My mom birthday was yesterday. We had a little bit cake thing going on. It's the first time me and my fam gave my mom a cake on her bday. She looked surprised but happy. Happy 52nd bday, my beloved mom!

- New Year is coming up. Don't know if I'm going to celebrate it or not cause bed sounds so tempting.
Until we blog again!
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SATURDAY

A quick catch-up
- FSA of Indofood is done. Way done actually. It went okay, I supposed. My team members were awesome and our presentation was so-so.
- Audit presentation also done. Our team member got an Enron case presentation. I think it went smoothly! :)
- Spent a weekend at Sukabumi. It was like fun overrated! So much fun there. Enjoying nature and enjoying ourselves.
- Finally New Moon is out. And yes I've watched it. The wait is finally over. Personally, I ♥ the book much more, ofcourse. But the crew and cast worked really hard and they did great!
- My parents just bought me a mini HP notebook. And I'm a happy daughter right now. Thank you daddy and mommy.
- I got my shot for cervics cancer vaccine thingy. Which still stings and I still feel a little sore. But, it's important to keep the cancer away. Going to get another shot in february, then in may. No more fear tho! LOL. I was actually kinda scared before the 1st shot. Not anymore now!
- Been more and more in ♥ with my diana camera.
- Final exam is less than 2 weeks away. Then, holiday! Woohoo!!
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A MONTH AFTER

So last post was extremely dark and self-loathing, which, I do sometimes, but not too often I need to see a shrink. In my humble opinion, it's completely normal. Once in a while, an individual might feel on the low point of their life. Mine is probably a little exaggerating as always. LOL. It keeps the balance of your life. If all you know is being on top of the world, how can you be grateful when you never know any other condition than this good life you're having? As I said, without suffering, there will be no compassion.
And here I am, a month after, sitting in my law n ethic class, feeling much more better. I still understand why I was feeling the way I felt. It was completely logic. I had enough reason to feel what I felt. And I have no regrets nor feeling stupid for being such a drama queen.
This past month of my lack post, I hv been busy with uni life. Yet, I also been busy lifting my mood. Which, I must say, hv been increasing in a very good pace.
I got my multicolour holga, which I'm completely crazy with. I'm not that good of a lomogoers tho. The result pics are blurry. But I'm not giving up. The only problem is that I can't seem to acquire the film that I need. It almost seems I need to go back to the past and buy it! It is so hard to find people who sell 120mm film. (I still can't find it)
Miditerm exam is waaayyy behind. I feel completely spent for this semster. I'm not suggesting anyone who wants to enjoy their uni period of life to take 24credits. The mid results were okay. I feel I did fine. I'm really concern with final exam tho. Oh so God help me.
I still have 2 big presentation which I'm seriously scared about. Financial Statement Analysis and Auditing. I hv butterflies just to think about it. And it seems like a non-stop groupwork. It drained my energy to do anything else. Which is why I declined an offer to be a treasurer for UPH Award. I would ♥ to get the experience, but I hate doing things halfway. I'm not good with shared responsibilities. I can only handle one task at a time and pouring all I have into it.
I can't believe it has been a month. It felt like forever. I wish this semester ends already. I miss having nothing to do and the work I need to come up with something to do since I hv absolutely nothing to do.
Until we blog again.
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THIS IS WHY

I don't think I would ever get over the feeling that I'm nobody. That I'm not important. Worthless, to be practical.
I know I'm not 'all that'. And I am grateful that my friends still want to be friends with me.
I hv crazy n dark thoughts that I can't share w any1. Coz it would freak them out. And I'm not the one who handle lies very well.
I'm sure they told me I was wrong, that they care, but I know it's not entirely true. It's just a courtesy. I mean, you don't tell people who are depressed that they are not worthy. It's like telling them to go suicide.
So I was crying cause I feel worthless, that I'm not in the same level w them. And then I was crying cause how could I ever think about my friends like that?! It's a vicious thought. And that means I'm not grateful. Then I cried even harder cause I can't stop crying and just be a downer to evry1.
And then I keep telling myself to get a grip and not being whiney. Then I realized I'm such a baby for crying over things like this. There r people losing their loves one and I hv evry1 yet I can't seem to think that's enough.
And it's just taking a lot of me till I'm tired. N I'm tired of crying which makes me cry harder. And it's just an endless cycle until I calmed down myself.
Aaaargh.. I think I need to check in to a depressed rehab.
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THANK YOU PART 2

So.. When I was in senior high school, I also took another course with Ibu Yuanita.
She taught me almost evrything. From Bahasa Indonesia to Chemistry. I'm telling you, she is one smart woman.
She was in her mid 40s I guess. And she has a daughter. Again, can't remember her name. But I remember she was taking archery lessons. I admire her liking to this unique branch of sport. Girl power!
Ibu Yuanita was always kind to me. Since at that time I was included in the diligent department. I like to be given all those chemistry reactions and those math equations. Not sure why, I just did. So she grew fond of me. And sometimes she would give this intermezzo, she would said, stories about almost anything besides school subjects, life lessons I guess.
She can be very strict tho.
I remember this boy named Sony. He was in his junior year and he was really naughty. Ibu Yuanita would gave him 5 numbers to do and 2 hours later he still at number 2. LOL
But he was entertaining.
I ended my lessons w Ibu Yuanita to take UAN prep course at Daniel.
None of the teacher impressed me. Considering I don't remember any of the teachers name. But taking courses at Daniel was fun. I met students from another school and got to 'mingle and melted'.
Ibu Yuanita, thank you, for all ur shared knowledge and all ur intermezzo.

Last formal course I took was for a French class.
It was last year. I studied French for about 2 months w another 10 people.
I have two teachers. Miss Jenifer and Ka Elga.
Miss Jenifer is a native so I rarely understand what she was saying. Still, with that burning red hair and those 'toujours toujours', we all fell in ♥ with her.
Ka Elga is Indonesian so his classes were much more make sense to me. He had this really cute flaw. He gets easily blushed. You can see his cheeks got red evrytime we tease him w a classmate. O how bad were we.
Miss Jenifer and Ka Elga, thank you for your patience teaching us how to pronounce rightly all those bonjour and je suis. Merci beaucoup. (Is that correct? I forgot evrything)

Wow. It feels really good to remember all those experiences I had and how much I learned. Thank you! Merci merci!
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THANK YOU

I'm not sure why I suddenly want to blog this. It's kind of a nostalgic thing.
I'm on my way back to karawaci and out of the blue I thought of Ko Reza. My ex physics n math guru les when I was in junior high school.

I remember him as a friendly guy. He has this chubby face and I always thought he was cute.
I remember he rarely eat anything that my mom served for him. In my mind, I thought he was on a diet. LOL
I also remember his bike. And his perseverance to go through the rainy storm to teach me and examine my homeworks.
Ko Reza, wherever u are, I thank you for not only teaching me, but also to be patient with me. (I'm that kind of a moody student back then). You kind of developed my ♥ for logical mathematical equation. Thank you.

Other than him, back in junior high school, I also took a very brief course of guitar.
I can't remember his name tho. But I always pictured him as an uncle who gave me guitar lessons.
He was kind and very religious so he taught me chords for christian's songs.
I have always enjoyed every sunday afternoon I spent with him and my 1 other friend.
He was the first man who showed me how to not cry when your fingers are bleeding because of trying to get that perfect chord, but to actually ♥ it coz it means you did your best.
So, thank you for giving me my first ♥ ever of bleeding fingers n also a reason for my dad to bought me guitar.

In senior high school, I found myself back to guitar course at Yamaha music school.
It lasted longer than before. About a year.
My guitar teacher was Ko Zackhy or Zaki or something like that.
He was tall and thin and I can't help to compare him to the tin man from alice in wonderland.
He was strict in some ways, but never too strict to make me want to quit.
I remember our half-an-hour-once-a-week course was always too short. Evrytime I start to get a grip of a new song, the time's up. But I loooove evry single song he gave me.
I chose classic guitar so all the songs were very melodically beautiful.
But I guess I'm just not that devoted to music. I ended up ending the course after a year due to my hectic school schedule.
So Ko Zaky, thank you for giving me a beautiful melodic period of my life.

Suddenly feel sleepy. I'll continue later tonight..
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WISH LIST

This is utterly completely tacky but somehow I don't care. LOL
I'm not a big fan of my own birthday. The all unnecessary attention and all the unrequired surprises. Seriously, pleaseee, no surprises.
I don't mind the presents tho. Oh do give me presents.

Now, for a little inspiration :

1.
2.
3.
Number 1 to 3 is between me and God, so you can handle the rest.

4. A chihuahua dog.
You may think they look like rats, but I fell in love with them eversince that movie, Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

5. This one is easy. I'm curious about Stephenie Meyer new novel, The Host. Preferably the english version.

6. If you ever been to my town house, you probably realized the mess my sis' n my shoes made. It's like little Mangdu behind our sofa. So a shoe rack would be a perfect gift for us. Preferably wooden and preferably spacious.

7. A watch. Seriously, my watches are broken. I have 6 watches and only 2 that are working properly. Keep it simple and classic tho. No rubber watch or those jelly watches please.
8. ALL The Corrs album. I just love them. They are epic.

9. Another novel : The Secret Life of Bees by Sophie Monk

10. Tanning spray or even a voucher for a tan spray. I am not joking here. I need a little colour on my skin.

11. Vintage onepiece smiwsuit

12. Lomo camera : holga multicolour.

13. BIBLE!!! I know! I can't find my bible anywhere. I seriously need one.

14. Black leather jacket.

15. A boyfriend perhaps? What do you think? I prefer some meat on my boy. So no skinny boys. A God-fear person is definitely a must. For others, refer to Is It You by Cassie lyric.

I actually think my birthday list is so humble. LOL. I mean, they all possible and not over the top. Be grateful that I'm not greedy.
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SUNDAY

I feel really alone right now.
Literally n metaphorically speaking.
I'm at home by myself accompanied by tv n my guling kecil n my constant headache.
And I just feel like I have nobody I can run to.

I mean, sure I have my parents for financial support and shelter.
But I don't have my emotional trash can.
All I want is someone who would stay on my side and massage my temples and actually happy doing it. While I'm crying and yelling at that person about how wrong my day goes.
Well, my guling kecil has been a briliant listener but I would be happy to have some soothing assuring comments.

I need a dog.
I'm considering a cihuahua. Only for practical reasons. They small and doesn't need extra grooming.
That is definitely going to my bday wish list
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FRIDAY

I seriously totally forgot that I have a blog.
Funny.
My apologiez for lack of posts.
I can't help it.
Blogging has lost its charm.

Still, I find some weird fascination of stating what I could never state in real life.

So..
What's been shaking my world?

There are two things that are quite significant.

First, I've been dead scared about going to hell.
I read this amazing book about heaven and hell.
The hell part is formidable. As I ended in tears imagining the pain.
The heaven part took even more tears. You should read it yourself to understand my tears of joy.

Now, after reading that, I realized how wrong have I led my life.
There are things that I have to change.
I don't know how. God will show me the way. And I WILL change. That is a scout's honour.

Second, our online store is coming together.
We're still raw, but we're getting there.
By we I mean, of course, me and my diamonds.
It didn't feel like working.
I enjoyed the whole process.

That's all for now.
Be sure to check out our collection
Secondfashion Shop at Facebook

Until we blog again.. xoxo
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SATURDAY

Family politic makes me nauseous.
Honestly, how hurtful it is to be betrayed by your own blood? It is absolutely atrocious.

Does Hamlet taught u nothing? (That is the selfish mother Gertrude of course) Honestly!

My dad came home today with a weird outrage that I rarely see.
My dad doesn't get angry.
And yet, he was furious.
I'm concern about my dad. I mean, who wants to see their loves one hurt?
And I also took pity on my mother. She is stuck in the middle.
She should defend her husband, but still, the enemies are family. How do u resent ur family and not be resented?

Well.. I suppose I should quote Hamlet (the briliant tho homosexual William Shakespeare)
'I have heard,' said Hamlet,
'That guilty creatures sitting at a play
Have by the very cunning of the scene
Been struck so to the soul that presently
They have proclaimed their malefactions;'
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THURSDAY

Wow. Where did time go?
I've been too busy having too much fun.
But I miss blogging, dearly.
I will be back on track soon!!
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SUNDAY

I seriosly thought today was Saturday.
I'm in my hometown now, so Sundays usually starts with me getting up b4 the sun rise for morning sunday service. Instead I woke up around 8 this morning. So it doesn't feel like Sunday at all.

Since last blog was a little bit gloomy, today blog would be completely superficial and incoherent.

Let's start.
What the 5 first things you do in the morning once you open your eyes?
Me myself :
1. Trying reaaaally hard to remember what day is it
2. Thanking God for another morning I'm allowed to enjoy while burrying my nose on my guling kecil
3. Snatch my blackberry to see the time
4. Read hollywood tweets that were updated while I was asleep
5. Check my facebook notification

Of course, those 5 things only for holiday period. Those 5 are not valid when the semester starts, it only goes as far as number 3.

Now, on even more superficial level, what you can't live without? Only 1 thing. And it has to be entirely shallow people will be dazed when they hear your answer.
Answers such as water or food, technology, music, love, boyfriend or girlfriend, parents, ur BFF, etc. is not in the category.

Mine would be my guling kecil. I don't know what it's called but I called her guling kecil.
My sleep feels incomplete without her. Like your sleeping on the wrong side of your bed. Phantom feelings, I know.
It's like taking a little piece of home with you.
Okay,that was too deep. It would violate today's blog goal.

You see, my guling kecil have a specific scent.
I like the smell of mixed saliva, a lil blood, n mucus that is on my guling kecil. It is completely gross in prospect but for me it's the smell of paradise.
Evry night before I go to sleep, I would inhale the scent deeply until I'm out of breath.

So there you go. My incoherent blog.
I am so gonna laugh when I read this again. And even probably resent myself a little for being so shallow.
But I am just too at peace today to be all broody and critical.
Oh happy day.
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FRIDAY

I am in a state of euphoria I'm slightly delirious.
I think I'm going to sleep in blooded tears tonight.
I had so much laugh that if I have to pay back the happiness, I'll be dead broke.

Today was a full day of merry and Christmas is still 6 months away.
Me and my other 3 friends went to a traditional market to buy a pair of gold earings. A pretty one I must say. Good eye.
Then we lunch-ed.
A quick stop to change clothes (we put on our best gembel uniform) then off we go.
Then the fun starts. One word only. Karaoke.
Thank you to anyone who were briliant enuf to create this remarkable machine without it we might be doomed.
After that, time to recharge the energy that was waste. We went to a yummy dinner. I ate sushi. It was an impossibility. But I have witnesses.

As usual, at the end of the day I feel spent. I'm brutally exhausted after a long day with people.
But it was worth it. Since today would be the last day I would see my diamonds. Mon dieu.
Well, at least until next month.

But I feel bad of my joyfullness.
You see, while we were having fun today, people were and probably are dying.
There were bombs exploded at several spots in the city. And there were rumors that bombs were still will be exploding later that day.
I did not fear for I know my God will protect me.
Still, I fear for my family and friends and others.
They were innocent people. And they were hurt. Bloods were seen evrytime you turned head. Body parts were not a strange thing to be stumbled upon. If I were there, I would probably go numb and limp. Even when I wasn't hurt.

I'm not sure on whom who did these bombing. And I even couldn't grasp the reason of these explosions .I couldn't care less of the reason, only the victims. Anything is not important enough if it means to take other people's life.

I'm just going to quote sumthing from a movie :
"... some things don't matter much. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person's heart--now, that matters. The whole problem with people is ... they know what matters, but they don't choose it... The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters."

Those bombers are making all the wrong choices.

Our God is a gentle soul. And I know He is crying up there watching His sons got hurt. Let's not make Him cry. He suffers enough.

(I'd post pictures. But my heart won't take it)

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WEDNESDAY 2

As promised, my second post of today.
It has been eventful since my last blog.
Okay, that's a lie. But a beautiful lie.

I didn't step out of the house since this noon. So nothing happened. And I come to think I wouldn't mind be a prisoner in this place. It has been my safe harbour.
Well, it was invaded by three obnoxiously noisy boys for the last couple of hours, so it wasn't so serene and safe. But they keep me entertained.
And I don't mind as long as they stay out of my way. They are fun.

My sis friend is spending the night here. And her BB couldn't stop sneezing my nose got itchy. Such a busy girl whom I deeply love. She was pouring her heart out about another bitchoss (male bitch) whom I just discovered.
Well, I think deep down I always know he was an ass. I like to think I have good instincts. And me keep staying out of his way must have meant something.
Poor girl, I wish I could slap him in the face! Unfortunately, I'm not that fierce.
And that girl, well, let's just say never ever judge a book by it's cover. I thought she was a Virgin Mary. Turned out she was more of a Bloody Mary (you know, the cocktail).
My diamond, be patient. Just ignore them. They don't deserve you.

Well, that was a dark topic. I enjoy gossip. But I never really like to talk trash about people.
On a lighter note, I have made my decision!
I'm going with Holga.
Yes. 120N multicolor holga. You know, the bublegum coloured one.
Here some results from the holga.





























































































Do you think I made the right choice? Methinkso.
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WEDNESDAY

I haven't blog for quite some time.
Almost a week.
Well, besides my declining passion for blogging, I have some perfectly acceptable reasons. First, I was sick. Second, I had final exam waiting for me. Third.. I'm working on it.
In the mean time, I will redeem mysel today by posting 2 blog for today. This would be the 1st one. The 2nd one will be posted later tonight.

Final exam are waaay behind me (well, that was over 24 hours ago so it's like so last day) and I am back to my unemployement self. Doing absolutely nothing productive.
As for the 1st day of my 1-month-freedom, I feel utterly content at peace with one full day of nothing to do.
Now I have time for completely illogical and unimportant activities. Such as coloring my nails, rearrange my closet, mix and match clothes, browsing without clear objective, watching hollywood gossip all day, editing photos, stuffing candies to my mouth all day, etc. etc.
I just heart holiday huuuge.

As you all know, I held a garage sale a few weeks ago. And I did have a strange urge to make money. Still do actually, tho not as firey as the 1st strike. Now, I am just this money-keeper.
Do you ever have times when you just don't want to spend money? Even a dime?
I've been in that period for quite some time. Ever since my garage sale finished.
I'm telling you, it is very unusual of me.
I have never been the one who hold themselves when they want something. Well, my biggest splurge is in not-a-life-or-death-matter, that is, fashion need.

I am just addicted to shopping. Not a heavy shoppaholic tho. Definitely not. I have a strong self-control when my heart is in it.
Proof : I haven't spend any money that is not related to food, drinks, or campus-stuff since my garage sale, that would be almost 3 weeks, I think. I know, I'm also proud of myself.

Well, the fact that my lust on lomo camera did add more strength to my self-restraint.
Any1 can help me to choose the right camera?
I am torn between holga or diana or okto. I have no idea whatsoever about this 3 type. I just found that holga and diana are the most popular. And as for okto, I'm in love with it because it can capture moving object. My heart goes out to okto. But I am open for options.























Above is Diana. I am in love because of the dreamy image results.

.
This is Holga. I think the result between Diana and Holga are similar. But don't you just fall in love with the bubble gum colour? Heart it!!



















This is oktomat. Cute right? You can take pictures of moving objects. I already have so much ideas for objects to shoot in mind!!





And this one is fisheye. This is also very unique. Not a big fan tho.







I am in need for some therapy.
Ever since high school, I couldn't be more people person.
Don't get me wrong, I like people. I love my friends. But I just can't be with people for 24/7 straight. I might gone stark raving mad.
I found my self in a severe exhaustion after one day out with my friends or my family.
I guess that's why I'm in a bit on the introvert side. I mean, I am all about fun and bonding, but I am just not capable of interacting with another human for too long. It takes all energy I have to be all charming and cheerful and talk. Gosh, the talk.

Don't you find yourself babbling incoherently everytime there is silence? I do. At least with people that I am not comfortable with.
Happened to me yesterday. There is this new girl who about to enroll to my uni. And I sort of accompanied her to get all the administration done. I know how frustrating it can be.
She is very sweet, very friendly, and I sincerely like her. And I kept trying to fill in the silence. Boy was I tired? Yes. Not because we took a tour around UPH, several times, but because I need to keep compose my self.
Then.. Her mother offered me to spend some nights at their home. I could see the horror in my eyes through rearview mirror. I managed to keep smiling tho. I have mentioned it before right? I loathe sleepover. Anything that involve me not sleeping in my own bed is just a horrific prospect for me.
I need some spontaneous vibe. See, people who are sponatenous are much more fun to be with. Unlike me.

It reminded me of Dakota Fanning's character, Sally, in Dr Seuss' The Cat in The Hat. Allow me to quoter her :
"Today's to do list. Number one, make to do list. Number two, practice coloring. Number three, research graduate school. Number four, be spontaneous. Number five, create lasting childhood memories. Number six, amend will.
What is he doing?"
She was referring to her brother act for his indoor stage luge .
Heart this movie big time.

Until tonight blog. I might have a decision on which lomo to choose.
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THURSDAY

I'm sick of being sick.
My nose has been driving crazy since last week.
And my throat has ben nagging me since monday. It even had a chance to give me a fever.
My throat cause me quite pain. As for my nose, I'm used to it. Considering I always have a leaking nose evry morning.

However, I am so grateful that my headache appearantly toned down by the flu n the throatsore.
I mean, it only gave me between mild to low level of headache.
I don't think I'll be able to sit here and endure the LAST (you have no idea how happy I am) magic class.
I was just done presenting 90 slides of our presentation on IBM for the magic final project.

Yes, that IBM has evrything to do with my lack of blog posting desire. I was always too tired after google-ing and yahoo-ing and some editing of the magic final project.

But we are done!! And I am obnoxiously happy right now. Like Disney musical happy.
I know I still have final exams waiting for me.
But as for right now, I'm just extremely content of the fact that there will be no more presentation, no more late workgroup, and the luxury of browsing with no clear objective.

For today, all I'm going to do is focus on recovering my health charts.
It has ben declining; down and down.
Final exams prep just have to wait until Saturday.

Btw, I will be back to my hometown this weekend.
About to deliver my garage sale stuff that was sold to my high school friends @ UNPAR.
Major fun.
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SATURDAY

I swear if I could take off my head, I would.
It has been tormenting me since last night.

When I woke up today around 7.20, I seriously thought I had little evil minions mining braincells inside my head. It didn't feel like I was asleep. More like losing my consciousness. I didn't feel refreshed or rested. But it's impossible to be fainted for 8 hours.
I didn't take any painkiller or other medicine (strangely) and just waited to see if it gets better.
It did get better until after I got back from mall.
When I finally got back home, my head was nagging me and my nose couldn't seem to stop sneezing. Geez. I had to lay in bed for a couple minutes.

Can't write anymore.
Too suffered right now.
I did had some highlights.
Ice Age 3 was hilarious.
And I had a good laugh.
Oh. And of course, I got to see AndersonCooper. He's just soooo cool.
Heart him.
In his tribute..
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THURSDAY

Surprisingly enough, today was not as dragged as I thought it would be.

It was actually fun. Yeah. I did feel utterly at ease today.

Big chances are because my sis n her friend accompanied me through the entire process of garage sale. They both always cheer me up no matter what mood I was having. Heart them HUGE.



Oh, and also because not one single customer walked through my town house's door.

I know. I'm weird. I'm happy because we have no customer? I am so not going to be a good businesswoman.



How do I explain?

You see, I've been having this horrific hunch since yesterday. My excitement level has decreased to zero. And I supposed I'm just glad because I was proven to be right. At least me having this uneasy feeling in my guts was actually not for nothing. I was damn right.



Well, we did sell 2 bags, but it was after working hours.. And some more through facebook. The amazeness of internet. I am so grateful I wasn't born in medieaval era.



Woke up around 7.35.

Went to campus to spread some more pamflets. (What a waste of paper since nobody came. Sorry, trees)

Then went back home. Did some more uploads to facebook.

Endure through garage sale.

And since we had no customer, I was able to watch PPG in peace. Yay!

Got my dose of hotness by watching Bones, Criminal Minds, and Prison Breaks.

Ending my day with more New Moon.

"It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect-not healed, but as if there had been no wound in the first place."

New Moon pg 452 prgrph 5
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WEDNESDAY

I've been swamped with garage sale prep I have no desire left to blog.
Today was the 1st day of the event.
I was excited when I first had the idea.
Now, not anymore.
I woke up this morning with a big gulp on my stomach. Like I've been punched. Thus when I know today would be eventful. And not in a good way.

My so terrible hunch turned out to be wrong. Well, not entirely wrong. But I can surely tell you I had better days.
The garage selling was terribly slow it literally hurts. I'm still having the headache side effect of browsing all day while waiting for customers.
At least my worst case scenario did not turned out to be true. I was prepared for no sale today. But we did sell some stuff. I was more than relieved tho I can't say I'm satisfied.

There's still 2 days left. I'm still hopeful. The excitement had entirely gone. But I'd endure. I have to finish it. And making money just a reward for my perseverance.

I had 2 breakdown today. 1st I was quivering as usual, on schedule, around 10 to 11. It was mild cause I wasn't doing any hard activities. I was doing inventory check and the paper I held was shaking.
Strangely, I wellcomed the shivering. In fact, I was hoping for it. So I wasn't too surprised when it hit me.
Second breakdown was during the garage sale opening. It was about an hour pass 1. I supposed you can call it a garage sale breakdown. But it's all gone after I lied on bed about half an hour.
During the day my sariawan was nagging me crazy. It hurts evrytime I drink. The thing is, I drink a lot. So it was an enormous torment. But I sort of like it.
I was irritated outside because of the bored and the heat, all that pain actually makes me comfortable. It was as if the outsider can't be worse than what pain I was enduring.
Have I turned masochistic?
That would be a first. I have been always dodging my way out through the pain with medical help. Lately, not so much anymore.

Tomorrow will be another boring day. At least I will have some company. My friend will join me for tomorrow garage selling. We'll see how it goes.

I actually have read up until the 20th chapter of New Moon. However, I'm too agitated with garage sale too quote anything. Maybe in friday. Another quote of the briliant mind of Stephenie Meyer.

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SUNDAY

I was not in the mood for any blogging yesterday
I was too excited after watching Transformers 2.
Seriously, it was sick.
And I mean in a positive way.

I love Josh Duhamel. He was sizzling.
























I think I'm developing some kind of a girl-crush on Megan Fox. She is flawless.











And Shia was outstandingly zany, it was comical. Heart him huge.






Oh and John Turturro (who play Agent Simmons), love him. Of course he was vexatious as usual, if you watched previous Transformers, but he saved the day so all was forgiven.



Ramon Rodriguez (who play Leo) was also hilarious. He is a perfect addition for the cast. Fresh and noticable (not too mention kind of cute), but didn't outshined the main cast.
















As for the tin-men, who doesn't worship Optimus Prime and just adore BumbleBee.
The Twins never failed to make me smile and even burst out laughing evrytime they appear on the screen.
But Jetfire caught my attention. I was attracted to that oldschool vintage grumpy Decepticon. And the very end, it was his body parts that saved the day. Well, Optimus Prime saved all the human, but he did it with the help of Jetfire's body parts.
The 150 minutes just flew by with full throttle action from beginning to the end.
Super cool movie.

I already forgotten what activities I did yesterday.
I remember I went to church.
Then got my make up done. Never really liked to put any make up on, I feel like I'm wearing a mask, tho I love the end result.
Attended a wedding.
Got on my way back to Karawaci.
Watched Transformers 2. It wasn't planned at all. My sister suddenly suggested it. And I was like 'okaayy..' Cause I was tired and I was feeling like crap and I wasn't sure we will get any ticket and the I'm not sure if we gonna make it back to the mall in time since we had to put our luggages at our townhouse first. But I'm glad I didn't say no. The movie was exceptional.
Went back to our townhouse.
Transferred pictures to my PC.
Didn't get a chance to read any New Moon.
Let's go way back to one of my so many quotes from the book.
"I was like a lost moon--my planet destroyed in some catalysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation--that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the mpty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity."
New Moon page 201 paragraph 2.
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SATURDAY

Another cancellation.

Another failure to watch Transformers 2.

I was actually pissed. And got all bitchy but only for a few hours.



It has been a peculiar day. I had a strange urge to make money. How bizarre is that?

First, I was discussing my possible future career with my dad. Willingly and happily and excitedly.

Next, I was determined to make a garage sale. It's just so not me.

I have never been the one who crazy about making money.

Perhaps because I never had any trouble with my allowance. But now, the urge just getting more and more emerge.



Woke up around 8.30

Got out of the house around 10.45

Went to pick up my sis from dentist, off to BTC, then lunch at PVJ

Grocery shopping at setiabudi supermarket

Went back home.

Watched Zodiac. I hate movies with endings that left us hanging and with sentences explanation. It's just simply irritating.

Went to dinner at Duck King. Yummy. What a lunatic weekend. Redemption would not be pretty.

Ending my day with another chapter of New Moon

" 'You look like hell, Bella.'

'I drowned today,' I reminded her.

'It goes deeper than that. You're a mess.'

I flinched. 'Look, I'm doing my best.'

'What do you mean?'

'It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it.'

She frowned. 'I told him,' she said to herself.

'Alice,' I sighed. 'What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that.' "

New Moon pg 389

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FRIDAY

I had so much fun today.
No.
That would be an understatement.
I had a huge enormous one ton bucket of fun today.

I literally just got home. And strangely, I'm not tired at all. In fact, I feel fully energized right now. And it's pass 11. Usually this is the time when my power start to giving out.

I hung out with my high school friends this afternoon. We didn't do much of nostalging. Just catching up. Mostly goofing around. And it felt good. It felt right. This is my friend. My own friends. Not my sister's friend. (Not that I don't love them. I love all my friends!!)
But still, it's a different atmosphere.
I supposed I've been breathing with my sis friends atmosphere for so long. And now, just then, I was breathing a whole different air. It's ... Refreshing.
I feel refreshed.

Woke up around 8.20. Nothing screams weekend better than waking up after the sun rise without the rush of getting up and getting ready for the day. I spent half an hour just laying in bed after I opened my eyes.
Breakfast, then took a plunge into the pool with my lil sis. Did 30 laps. Felt super pleased with myself tho I got another attack of headcahes afterwards.
Spent the rest of the morning laying in bed until lunch time.
Watched Speed Racer. Go speed racer, go speed racer, go speed racer gooo. You have to admit, it's a catchy tune.
Went to d Ranch with my frenz. Took bunch of pictures. (I will upload it to fb soon!). I could never be a farm girl. I love cleanliness to the max.
Went to dinner at Nanny's Pavillion. We took a scary dangerous (I'm talking steep sharp turn with cliff on both sides) dark bumpy way to our dinner place. It was pitch-dark and our 3 cars were the only one at sight. Thankfully, we all got there in one piece.
Went back home.
Ending my wonderful day with another chapter of New Moon.
"If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she would have tried to settle into the leftovers scraps of life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get."
New Moon pg 371 prgrph 4

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THURSDAY

The only bad thing about home is all the food that never out of stock.

I need to redeem myself after the weekend.



Why is online shopping so appealing to me??

I found weird satisfaction evrytime I just put an order.

And worse, I got all excited like a kid on Christmas morning when the package came.

It's a diabolical cycle I need to break.



I learned something today. About my friends, people on whom I depend on for some sanity.

Nothing bother me more than unhappiness of my friends. I don't have a lot of friends. I mean, I know a lot of people. But only a handful I would called as friend. And even less as bestfriend. (I don't really believe in BFF tho).

I hate to see my friend hurting. I really wished I could have done more for my troubled friend.

Like Nicole Richie said, True friends are like diamonds – bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style.

She's right. You don't get diamonds from the street, you have to earned them. It's only for the priviliged one.



This diamond is for my peepz (I'll get the real one when I have 10numbers salary)



Woke up around 5.20 with new hope. The holiday week is only a couple hours away.

Endure through magic class. I'm just going to quote my tweet. "Do u know bitchy not just for the bitches? Appearantly it also apply for the male canine. True story on my magic class this morning."

Went home. Went back to campus to picked up my sis.

Got on our way to Bandung.

Got home.

Got pissed off cause my tv was gone. Felt totally empowered for successfully plugged in tv on my own.

Rest rest rest.

Watched Bones, Criminal Minds, and now Blade. Super dose of hot guys for today. Kudos.

I didn't get a chance to read more of New Moon.

"I thought about what Jacob had said earlier this morning, about hypocrisy. I thought about that for a long time. I didn't like to think that I was a hypocrite, only what was the point of lying to myself?"

New Moon pg 340 paragraph 6

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WEDNESDAY

I loathe today.

Okay that's not a fair statement.
Unfortunate events started out just tonight.
Things appeared to be good and fun until before I took a shower.

I knocked over a door,
almost tripped in the bathroom,
bit my lip so hard I ended up in tears,
scared myself out when I caught a glimpse of myself on the kitchen door's glass across the room (I looked like Sadako and ended up tied my hair up tho it was still wet),
my dad hung up the phone line before I said anything (I hate when people do that),
my nose begun and still leaking,
my printer broke down (now I have ink all over my fingers),
I seemed to be donating blood to the mosquitoes more than I was willing to,
and tho I know I am one of the lucky person who don't have to worry about what to eat tomorrow or where to sleep tonight, still, right now, all I have in my shallow mind is :
MY LIFE STINK

Ugh. I need music and some PowerPuffGirls ambiance.

Woke up around 5.30. Off to campus as usual.
Study study study until 10. Back to work for Magic presentation until 12.30.
Back home.
Chilling out.
Picked up my sis at campus.
Watched The Tale of Desperaux. I would love to read the book. And.. For the storyline, for me, it was a little too . . . quirky. I mean.. No soup = No rain. Soup = Rain = Happiness.
Got jealous to every people who watched Transformers2 today.
My day started to get irritating.

Stumbled upon this really cool pics



















































Underwater photography is seriously magnificent for sure. If only I could ever overcome my fear of sharks, which would never happen.

I'm just going to end the day.
With another chapter of New Moon definetly
"This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I put my muffin down and folded my arms across my empty chest. I stared at the flowers, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, and the wretched throbbing of my wounds."
New Moon pg. 333 paragraph 9
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TUESDAY

Just got home from watching Garuda Di Dadaku.
It was a good movie.
Finally some Indonesian decent movie that doesn't involve overvaganza sex theme or religion or mysterious creatures that haunted your nightmares. NORMAL MOVIE.

Still, I don't understand what all the whiz and all the sold-out tickets in elite theaters.
For me, it was inspirational for sure, but not as good as Laskar Pelangi. And it was funny. Definitely funny. You should try watch this movie sitting one row behind a bunch of 7 years old.
There was this one scene after the grandpa got heartattack and a kid in the front said "10 tahun kemudian". Me and my friend burst out laughing.
Oh. And just so you know, there was some horror in it too. I mean, soccer practice in the middle of a graveyard?? Formidable. Talk about determination.
























I particulary moved by the grandpa. The things you do for your grandchildren. I have to admit, he was being a partystopper in a couple scenes. Maybe because I don't have grandfather anymore? I must say, I miss my Engkong.


















Woke up around 6. Off to campus. Watched Bill Gates sort-of-semi-biography. (What an inspirational day I have).

Went back home. And when I was taking off my soft lens, I realized my hands were shaking. When driving home, I admit my hands felt a little weird, like a little off or something. Limp. Then it was shaking. I try to shook it off and it resulted nothing. It got worse. My hands felt sluggish. But it stopped after lunch. I speculate my body was in need for some energy. Strangely, I wasn't feeling hungry at all when I was all quivering.

Got my online shopping package.
Drop my sis off at campus and totallly missed PowerPuffGirls. Well, I watched one episode.
Did nothing productive.
Watched Garuda Di Dadaku.
Went back home.

Ending my day with another chapter of New Moon.
"I'd cried myself to sleep over this boy. His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what was left of my chest. He'd left a new nightmare behind him, like an infection in a sore--the insult after the injury."
New Moon pg.280 paragraph 9
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MONDAY

I had the worst headache ever.
It was so bad I needed to take a nap. I don't normally do naps.
Honestly, I'm not capable of doing naps. It's just not in my system to sleep during the day.
Well, I didn't exactly took a nap. I was lying in bed for 2 hours to be precise.
I took sleeping pill, the action gave me nothing but a faster fluttering heartbeat beyond normal I was convinced I was having a heartattack.
Well, this happens a lot so it wasn't as dire as it sounded. But, still, it was excruciating.

I'm feeling all better now. The headache is still there but managable enough for me to function.

Woke up around 5.30 with the headache. Off to campus. Class until 11. Headache got worse.
Random : I got invitation for SD reunion. At first, I had no clue on the 2 people that invited me. I had no memory of them. But then I realized one of the names that was listed. Not sure if I'm coming.
Working on magic presentation until 1.
Went back home with even worser headache. I had no idea how I got I home. I remember I was paying the parking tickets and after that the stabbing pain took control.
All I know I was lying in bed wandering off to la la land until I heard my sister came home.
I guess that was when the sting finally tuned down a knotch.

Watched PowerPuffGirls after so long. It was a full 3 days since the last time I enjoy the company off Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.











































I'm not sure what is it that keep me coming back to check on them. I always feel happier and lighter after.I suppose it has something to do with childhood memory? I feel like I was a child all over again. No crazy lecturers, no boys drama, no assignments, no paying the bills, no headaches, what a great life.

Watched GossipGirl season 2 finale. Chair (Chuck and Blair) ended up together. At last.

Ending my day with another chapter of New Moon for sure.
"The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake.
It was the same place . . . but it didn't hold what I had been searching for."
New Moon pg. 234 paragraph 2
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SUNDAY

Happy Father's Day!
At least, in the other side of the world.

Since we are celebrating Father's Day, I'd like to tell some fun facts about my dada.
1. He doesn't like too sweet candies
2. He hates the smell of hand sanitizer
3. He's good at basically everything
4. He can't sleep if the bed's too soft (I'm telling you, his bed is rock solid)
5. The thing I really like? His smell. He has this unparallel smell when I'm snuggling in his embrace. Sort of i-just-woke-up smell I guess. All I know, that smell always makes me feel save. Weird, huh? Maybe I should extract his smell. So everytime I'm scared, I just sprayed them and boom, I'm okay. Good idea.



Woke up around 7.30 (went bed around 11, finally I have some decent sleeptime)
Spending all morning working on PEST presentation. Then went to sunday service.
Lunch at supermall. I'm telling you, eating kebab and still able to look sharp and tidy is a hard work including a pack of tissue.
Went crazy with sis at CCC. got the bez deal ever. satin pants for 85thousand. Unbelievable.
Google-ing and yahoo-ing for another magic presentation. Thankfully, some1 really kind in msn world lend me a hand. The kindness of stranger.
Watched Coraline. Reminded me a lot of NightmareB4Christmas. I wasn't too impressed tho.
Checking out vintage photos of my big fam. I mean, literally. It was mostly in the 50's. This one def my fav. It was my parent's wedding day. Heart it huge.

























Ending my day with another chapter of New Moon.
"He whistled cheerfully, an unfamiliar tune, swinging his arms and moving easily through the rough undergrowth. The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual. Not with my personal sun along."
New Moon pg. 198 paragraph 4.
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Trying out posting blog from email. Does it work??
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SATURDAY

Ended up having a super tiring day.
That's why I just blogged today.

Slept at my aunt's house. Finally met our siblings from OZ.
Got the qtest necklace from them. Went mall to mall.
Had a really yummy dinner at Duck King tho.
My other aunt dropped me n my sis home.

While otw home, my other aunt and my another aunt (there were two aunts in the car) exchange stories on how an independent woman (that is my other aunt, I have tons of aunt) married a poor husband. They kept repeating on how it was such a waste to married a poor husband. When you are already have money, and house, and great kids whom you can depend on, why need a man who would only add extra cost?
I happened to disagree with them. I mean, I don't know if the hurts, the wounds, the pains--yes they had their fair share of life's agony--that made them bitter, but I wouldn't want a life without love.

Allow me to quote James Collins :

"Life without love isn't living and living without loving you haven't yet truthfully been alive!"

Maybe it's that I'm a raw and foolish youth, but even when later, when I'd be an adult with mature thoughts and financial stability and great kids, I'd still want my match, my soulmate, my pair. Whom I can loved and being loved. Cause everyone deserves to be loved. And as cynical as I am, I do believe in true love.

And it's a different thing. A children's love for their parent and love from your Romeo. Your kids wouldn't be able to stand you 24/7 (you'd be as lucky as a girl found a diamond in a fish mouth if they still want to live in the same house with you after they're married) and still not be annoyed by your endless weird requests, but I know my Edward will.

I really hope 20 years from now, when I read this post, I'd have the same feeling as I have now.

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FRIDAY

I have a major crush on CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. I woke up at 8.45 and stumble upon him. It's kismet.

I mean, who else in this entire universe can pull off a white hair without reminding me of my grandfather and still look that good?
That would be Anderson Cooper.
Saw him on Ellen Degeneres Show a few days ago. Though he was being funny, he still managed to look profesional.
HEART HIM.









My mom just arrived. And she already being a mom. Cleaning everything and has her comments on everything.
So we're going to stay a night at my aunt's house. I'm not a big fan on sleepovers. Okay, I hate sleepovers. I try to avoid it evrytime it allows me to. There's just something strange waking up in someone else's house. I feel like I have to be presentable all the time while sometimes all I want is just to wear my long old t-shirts and lazzying around in front of TV. You can't do that unless in the privacy of your own house. But I'm making an exception for this one. And praise all the grace, it's only for one night. I can live throught that.

In the spirit of summer (though it's still raining evry now and then) , I'm ditching my long jeans and worshiping my shorts. These legs needs air.
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THURSDAY

I am currently reading New Moon. So now my world divided by my real world and of course, the imaginary world of briliant Stephenie Meyer.
Really, I am fascinated by this specific world. Something about selfless mind of Bella intrigues me.

























Woke up at 5.45 then off to campus.
Got tons of assignments for next week from my magical lecturer that obviously stressed me out. I really have no idea or any driven will on how to do this.
Lunch with my friends. And they have a really hard time to decide on where to eat. I managed to have time to feel a twinge of pain on my abdomen and my back. I'm not sure if it's the combination of stress and caffeine and the fact I was famished or I'm just easily get sick or I'm a hypochondriac.
Went with my big sis to find her a dentist. Mission was not accomplished. She just have to get by with those painkillers until our mom take her to dentist tomorrow. Be strong, ca!
Watched The Clique. It's very.. clique-y. Though I can't help to adore all those high-couture blazer and jackets. (totally craving for blazer right now)
Totally lured my big sis to join my newest fad : online shopping. She ended up chose 3 extra cute tops. Heart it huge.
Ending my day with another chapter of new moon.
My favourite quotes so far :
"It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn't have to speak often, but I smiled a lot, and only because I felt like it.
I didn't want to leave." New Moon, page 150, paragraph 2.
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