I don't think I would ever get over the feeling that I'm nobody. That I'm not important. Worthless, to be practical.
I know I'm not 'all that'. And I am grateful that my friends still want to be friends with me.
I hv crazy n dark thoughts that I can't share w any1. Coz it would freak them out. And I'm not the one who handle lies very well.
I'm sure they told me I was wrong, that they care, but I know it's not entirely true. It's just a courtesy. I mean, you don't tell people who are depressed that they are not worthy. It's like telling them to go suicide.
So I was crying cause I feel worthless, that I'm not in the same level w them. And then I was crying cause how could I ever think about my friends like that?! It's a vicious thought. And that means I'm not grateful. Then I cried even harder cause I can't stop crying and just be a downer to evry1.
And then I keep telling myself to get a grip and not being whiney. Then I realized I'm such a baby for crying over things like this. There r people losing their loves one and I hv evry1 yet I can't seem to think that's enough.
And it's just taking a lot of me till I'm tired. N I'm tired of crying which makes me cry harder. And it's just an endless cycle until I calmed down myself.
Aaaargh.. I think I need to check in to a depressed rehab.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!