Thursday, July 29, 2010

Salt Wasn't Salty Enough For Me

Angelina Jolie totally kicked ass!
Unfortunately, she's the only good thing in that movie.

So there's this blond female CIA agent named Evelyn Salt (Jolie) who is a super agent, obviously, and had a bestfriend named Winter (flashes of snows here). Salt (I don't get why the name has to be salt. I get Salt n Pepper cause it's a band and you need a quirky, one-of-a-kind, memorable name. But an agent?) had a husband named Mike who loves spiders way too much, even Spiderman can't compete with him.
On their wedding anniversary, CIA had a Russian traitor walked in to the CIA HQ (headquarter). There, Salt, as the most competent interviewer, questioned this Russian traitor named Oleg something Orlov. During this questioned, Orlov told this amazing story (at first I totally thought he was making this up) about Russian children trained to be American substitute (Americans, be very careful when you visit Russia, you may not come home as the same person, literally) to fulfill their duty in destroying America in every possible terrorist-y way.

Orlov said that there's this incredible unstoppable agent named Chenkov that planned to kill Russian's vice president at America's vice president memorial service. And here's the thing : Orlov said Chenkov real name is Salt. Yes, as in our very own Evelyn Salt (evelyn is such a pretty name, but salt?)
So there's this doubt cast upon our agents, including Winter, Salt's very bestfriend. And of course, even more confusing cloud upon the confounded viewers (including me, yes) cause for some moments she's this innocent blond agent and the next she's black-haired-Ultraviolet-resembelence hit man shooting people with no mercy, including the Russia's president. And there we were disappointed, thinking she's the bad guy (or girl), when suddenly she massacred the whole Russian clan, including Orlov (the brain behind all the substitute children). Hence we were left thinking she truly loved her husband (killed by Orlov) and revenged his death. Then again, it was only an hour! It supposed to be a 2-hour-movie. Was she trying to rule the world alone? Queen Salt (Sounds like a brand of kitchen utilinary)? Unlikely, but not impossible.

Overall, the movie was a standard superagent action movie (cue: Mission Impossible soundtrack) with agent making a flea by jumping trucks and cars falling off bridge in the coolest most unrealistic way possible. Though I have to admit, the fact Hollywood let a female gender to be the protagonist role and kicking male asses is something new and refreshing - move over Tom Cruise and Matt Damon. Somehow, I found the story lack the red thread that connects all the scenes together. I'm not sure if it's the editing or the story line itself that has problem. I know they're trying to make the viewers at the edge of their seat with unpredictable story, but the truth is, I was just plain confused and I totally know there's something wrong with agent Winter (I never believed him as the good guy anymore since Wolverine)

For me, the only salty thing in the movie is Angelina Jolie. She's a living proof that female CAN be a super agent WITHOUT using your sex appeal. I truly ♥ her performance on Lara Croft and Wanted. And in this Salt movie, well, three times a charm! It's all in the no-mercy-eyes-stare and the body language you know, talk less and kill more (Scarlett, are you taking notes? I seriously don't get what her Black Widow role is in Iron Man 2). For a woman who has 4 children, this mama can totally kick your ass.

PS. Who knows hair color can determined your character? Blond Angelina is goody goody husband-worshipper agent. While Black-haired Angelina is completely lethal no-mercy assassin. How interesting!


  1. I was wondering for a while where the move was about but I was to lazy to look for it. So your quite handy :p and I love your writing style! Hilarious! xD


  2. she kicks ass alright! :)