Saturday, February 5, 2011

Not Sure How To Feel

So I'm finally graduating from my university life. It's a big relief I must say. Although I'm not as happy as I thought I would be. Or to be correct, should be. My thesis defense was not as formidable as I thought. I just hope I would passed yudisium and that would mean I officially would be leaving  the fun part of life. Yup. I would need to get a job.

It's scary. It's terrifying. I'm scared. I'm confused. I'm not sure. I'm indecisive. I'm out of words.

Frankly, I'm kinda depressed right now. I do want to get a job. But not in accounting area (which my major is right now). So you probably wondering why did I ever major in accounting then?

Well, at first, I was going to major in English Literature. However, my dad didn't approve. So I thought, accounting doesn't sound so bad. You just have to deal with numbers. Numbers are kind. They always the same everywhere. And they don't take sides. They will summed up exactly the same for everyone. Therefore, here I am.

I always thought one day I would grow into it, you know. You hang around with someone long enough, they just grow on you. Alas, that is not the case. It's not that I hate accounting. I just don't like them. I put up with them. But I don't want to spend time with them all the time.

I'm a little sad as well. I've been crying a little more than usual lately. I'm parting with my friends. I only have 4 days left before I go back to my hometown. Ofcourse, it's not forever. We would still meet if we want to. But just wanting to meet wouldn't exactly unite us back together. And I'm terrible with technology. Sure, we all have all means of communications right now. But I'm not a fan of texting or BBM-ing. They are fun for two or three hours. But I need to see the person. I can't tell about my day throughout texts or BBM. It's like I'm scared they would pretend to care. It's easy to be someone else throughout the amazing innovation of communication technology.

And being unproductive doesn't help. I feel really helpless and just . . . . dull. *heavysigh*

I do thankful though that my mom and dad don't push me to get a job. They do mention it a couple time. But they're not rushing it. I guess they can tell that I'm scared.

I also pray more than I normally does. It does help a little. I just wish I can really talk to God. Not in my mind or in my dream. But like. . . . really really talk eye to eye. Person to person. Where I can touch Him. And He can give me a clear directive order about where I'm supposed to go from now.

So that was kinda forlorn and gloomy. I do, however, with my inifinite free time, able to learn more dance routines!

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